I heard about the unusual living arrangement Gail and Michael decided on and asked to interview them. I discovered their story was unique in other ways.
They came to my home for an interview and sat together on my sofa. Gail, eighty-two, was dressed in red, which went with her vibrant, warm personality. She leaned toward Michael as we talked, and it was obvious she admired him as well as loving him.
Michael, eighty-six, was gray haired and less vibrant. I came to admire him, too, as he told his story about himself and how he found Gail, to whom he had been married for three years.
Gail wanted her husband to talk first. He began by saying, “I worked part time as a Counselor In private practice and I was also a Rehabilitation Counselor for California state, working with six to nine patients at a time, as they came out of mental hospitals. I worked in three offices in different locations, demonstrating that agencies could work together. I met with my ‘board and care’ clients in groups at night, providing structure to their lives in the community with jobs or job training during the days, until they developed their own inner structure and could fend for themselves. My program was exceptionally successful, and I was promoted and moved to Sacramento. I retired in 2005 and then was asked to return to my work.”
This was said softly, with humility, his wife looking on with pride. I was impressed. What he did was not easy and demonstrated skill and empathy, dealing with people in challenging situations.
He continued, “My first marriage was difficult. One day I got my four young children together and told them, ‘I can’t live with your mother anymore.’ My youngest son, about four, said, ‘Who would our mommy be?’ I couldn’t leave. I stayed with her until she died of Alzheimer’s, after fifty-nine years. It was difficult. She was very demanding, and worse with Alzheimer’s. During the marriage we lost a daughter and a son to illnesses, and my oldest son is estranged. I meet with my one remaining daughter monthly. There are two grandchildren and a great grandchild.”
Gail, head bent toward her husband sympathetically, said, “My marriage was a contrast. It was like ‘white bread.’ Ordinary. We married young when we were students at UC Berkeley and then his job took us to Davis. We didn’t have kids for six years, then had two boys. I stayed home with them when they were little. When they were older, I had a fun job helping a children’s dentist grow his practice. I took care of my grandkids for a while. Our kids are successful, busy and not part of our lives much now. My first husband had cancer of the esophagus and died quite suddenly after fifty-five years of marriage. We had traveled, and I had become part of the Davis community and our church. I stayed in our home and began to host visiting students and researchers studying at the university for weeks or months at a time, which I found culturally fascinating. I was single for six years, not interested in dating. A good friend said, ‘You should join Match.com’ and I said, ‘As long as they are Christian and don’t drink alcohol.’ I joined despite my Southern family who frowned on older people marrying.”
Michael added, “I wanted and needed a wife. I had set up my retirement so that 100% would go to my wife. After my first wife’s death, I found the funds could go to a new wife, so I began my search for her on Match.com. I worked at it. I met more than one woman a day at Starbucks. I kept a spreadsheet, and eventually met eighty women. I told each one the same thing—that I had a place in Hawaii, and I wanted to go on trips. A few I dated for a short time, most were just coffee dates.”
Michael continued. “I was looking for a woman I could be happy with. I wanted her to be sexual and warm as well as compatible, and we dated long enough for me to know Gail was the right one. I keep discovering parts of her that are more beautiful. We found we were similar where it mattered. We both wanted to keep our homes in a trust for our families. We live more than thirty miles apart, so we travel back and forth, with one day in between. We each decided to keep our own church where we were well established. We were both financially secure. After a year of dating, we decided to marry.
Gail smiled, “Who wouldn’t want to hear ‘I love you’ every day? I like to walk long distances. He got a scooter so he can go with me even though he has had some health problems. He is close to his three sisters who adore him, and they are happy about our marriage and our kids are okay with it, too”
She beamed, “Michael planned our wedding. We wanted it to be in Hawaii on the beach. The minister we found to conduct the ceremony wasn’t there, but we found another local one in time. We bought matching Hawaiian outfits and flower leis to add to our small, but ecstatic ceremony. The minister’s daughter was a witness and a good photographer. It was during Covid in 2020. At the end, the minister said, ‘You may kiss masks!’ We ditched the masks!”
Looking at each other, they agreed it was a “Golden Wedding”. Gail added, “We are so happy together.”